just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
