Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
My vagina is officially offended.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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