who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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