we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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