I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
