I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
