I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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