she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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