Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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