I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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