What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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