Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
