were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
