They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
