I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
No stitches, just platelets and will power
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
