i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
