Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
