I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
