alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
