Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
