Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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