You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize