the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
bring money and cleavage
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
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