oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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