I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Can you repeat that, but with context?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
