So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
