I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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