pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
