Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
