So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
