I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
