I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
