his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
