Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
