So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
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