you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
