I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
