I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
