dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
