Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
