these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
did i just pee glitter
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
