Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
