What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
If I die, sorry about rent.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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