I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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