he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
