i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
