Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
She needs sedatives and a leash
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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