For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
