he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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