She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
