It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
