were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
