he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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