could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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