I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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